Sirius' Howler
by SkinnyLittleSlut
Summary: Sirius' mother sends him a Howler and he decides he's had enough of her letters. But is he really as fine with it as he's letting on? One-shot but review if you want a new chapter. 10 asks and I'll do.


**Don't really know what the fuck this is, but oh well. Enjoy. **

"Oh fuck."

Sirius glanced at James, putting down his toast. James was staring up at the sky, a horrified look on his face. Frowning, Sirius looked up, and chuckled at what he saw.

A pure black owl was swooping towards them, and clutched in its beak was a bright scarlet letter.

"That's your owl, isn't it Siri?" Remus asked, catching sight of the bird.

"Not mine. My dear mothers owl. I wonder what foul delights she sends this time." Sirius replied, holding out his hand.

The owl landed next to Sirius, dropping the letter into his hand.

Sirius examined the bright red letter, laughing again.

"Howler." he muttered.

The whole Hall had quietened upon the owl's arrival, all eyes on Sirius and the letter.

He rolled his eyes.

"Fuck this." he said, pulling out a silver lighter from his robes.

He held the trembling envelope out in his hand, and ignited the gas, holding it to the paper.

It went up immediately, ash tumbling onto Sirius' plate. An odd screeching sound emitted from the destroyed letter before it went up completely, blowing ash in every which direction.

The whole room was staring at Sirius in awe and shock at what he had just done. Again, he chuckled, leaning back in his seat and pocketing the lighter.

James broke the deadly silence by muttering "Your mother is going to have your head."

Again, he laughed.

"Alright, you can go back to your food now!" He yelled. The chatter resumed straight away.

"That's alright. She can put it next to the elves. Be a nice addition to the place. I know she's always wanted to anyways. It's not like Father'd stop her, the old bastard."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"You're not the least bit afraid of her reaction?"

"Oh, she won't find out for another day at least. I'm sure dear Reg will be writing to her to inform her of this terrible family dishonour I committed. So any normal day, really. You have at least another 24 hours with me."

Sirius winked cheekily at the two boys in front of him.

"Peter is going to piss his pants when he hears about this." James muttered.

Sirius smiled.

"But Jesus, lads. I don't know why I put up with her sometimes. Old bat. She should have just drowned me at birth."

"Don't say that, Sirius." Remus said sternly.

"Why not? It's amazing how much hate can be held in such a skinny old woman. She'd kill me if she had the chance. I can see it in her eyes when she..well, when he speaks to me. She doesn't make eye contact all that often. Says I make her ill."

Sirius glanced at the Teacher's table.

"You think Minny would have a fit if I lit up a smoke right now?"

James snorted.

"Mate, she'd have a stroke. After she got you expelled."

"Oh come on, James. You know she loves me really. I mean, look at her. You see the love in her eyes?"

All three looked over at Professor McGonnogal. She noticed their stares and fixed Sirius with a pointed steely glare.

They turned back.

"Yeah, definitely mate. I can feel the love." James agreed, raising an eyebrows and anxiously messing up the back of his hair.

"She just has to pretend so the student body doesn't realise and get jealous. They all want a piece of this."

Sirius gestured to himself, looking back over at a glaring McGonnogal and winking at her. She shook her head, turning back to her breakfast.

"Sirius, shut up and eat your food."

"But it's all ashy."

Sirius looked down at the remains of his mother's Howler, covering his plate in a thick grey coating.

"So get another plate."

"Nah."

Sirius got up, stretching, and smirked down at his friends.

"I'm gonna grab a nap. Free period this morning."

A look of bliss settled over his angular features, and he walked off in the direction of the dorms.

"You're supposed to use the period to study!" Remus called after his retreating figure.

His snort of disgust could be heard all the way through the Hall.

"Yeah, as if!"

Remus also had a free period that morning. 50 minutes through, he left the library to go rouse Sirius and make sure he got to second period. To his shock, when he was climbing the stairs, he heard the fine twangs of a guitar ringing through the air.

Remus knew Sirius had a guitar, one of many Muggle artefacts purchased to annoy his Mother, but had no idea Sirius actually knew how to play it. He took it to Hogwarts every year, so his Mother didn't smash it up, but neither Remus nor James had ever seen Sirius play a single string.

As he got closer to the room, he realised Sirius was singing along to the dark chords he was strumming. His usually voice was dark as he angrily snapped words.

Rhyming words.

Remus pressed himself against the door, leaning his head against the ajar fixture so he could hear was Sirius was singing.

Because Medusa has a heart of stone

She froze and ate my fucking bones

She thought that I'd be all alone

But with friends like these, oh fucking please

You scream my every fucking flaw

You lie to Reg 'bout what he saw

Your favourite weapon, Father's belt

My back has scars from every welt

You evil, stupid, fucking whore

You left me lying on the floor

You let me bleed, from wrists and knees

I tried to die, and you let me heave

You used the Torture curse on me

Over again, 'till I couldn't breathe

And when I tried to make you pleased

You lay down on top of me

You fucked me, fucked me

In every way possible

You took my innocence

Made me a sleaze

Oh please, oh please,

Just stop, oh please

You're already the death of me

Sirius' voice trailed off, and so did the music.


End file.
